I wish I was on this boat

I wish I was on this boat

Sunday, 9 May 2010

Out of the loop.

Title says it all. I'm out. Its down to me and i'm just sitting and watching it happen. Watching the world go by, carry on, without me. Watching friends drift away, I always fail to make contact, bail on meeting people because going out of the front of the door is too hard. I want to live life, I want to travel, I want to laugh, I want to engage in hobbies again. I want to stop bringing everyone I love down. I hate the times when its like this.

It's all part of it I suppose -depression/bi-polar/BPD still waiting to be well and truly put in my box. A tag that I don't really want, its such a horrible word, an over used, mis represented word and one word can not sum it up. Its an agglomeration of thoughts, feelings and actions that can rule and ruin your life.

"Only if you let it" they say. Most of the time THEY have read books, articles, whatever but they don't know really. Saying that one out of three suffer with mental health issues at one point in their life. So really I suppose its the inward consuming nature of the illness that further isolates as you believe no one understands how it feels to be like this.

I'm fighting back as much as I can. Need to get registered at the new GP and get my referall sorted again, it was top of my to-do list when I moved. We moved 39 days ago now. But I suppose in that time we've dealt with a crazed neighbour who I had to get sectioned (it was for his own safety more than much else, poor guy) so I suppose my mental illness quota was done there. Tomorrow I'm going to get organised. It's always tomorrow. On another to do list.

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